So I hit my dad's company car. There's this scratch down the right side and where the two doors come together is pushed in. He's insanely mad. He has to pick up his boss in it this week. And he has to report it to the insurance.

And it sent me on this flashback of that night that I spent at Ryan's house, when things were so bad. And I just started crying, and I couldn't stop. I cut myself two times. I'm sorry. For myself-how I am. And he came upstairs and dragged me out of bed and pulled me downstairs. Trying to act concerned instead of pissed as all fuck. Seeing red.

And he scares me when he's mad. That night I almost got punched in the face. But instead just got thrown down into the street. Because "he cared". And I don't think that shows affection. And so I'm scared now. And I shouldn't be. But still I am. Like, maybe he'll stay up tonight thinking about it and come into my room and hurt me. And I'm crazy, but still I think it.

Fix me.